This was my Christmas gift to her…I didn’t want to send it to her in the mail. I wanted to be there in person to say all of this, so I made her wait. I made her wait longer once I was there to explain what the ring meant…I think I only got the last paragraph in, which is the important part. [this is what I wrote & decided not to send to her - make her wait instead]
Infinity Ring:
” I so wish I was in person to tell you all of this, you have no idea. But here goes, I’m going to attempt to get it all out in a few mere paragraphs. You have no idea how much I love you…I don’t even think I do, because for the most part I don’t let myself feel. I don’t just sit & feel. Feel my love for you, how much I care for you, how much I’m attached to you… I think it’ll scare me, I don’t know. But I know that when I’m physically with you I’ll allow myself to feel it. I allow myself to feel it a little now & it’s overwhelming. I don’t know what to do really…with this feeling. Do I cry? Do I leap for joy? Do I shout it from the rooftops? Maybe that’s it. Maybe I keep it locked away because I’m not allowed to do any of those things. I don’t allow myself to cry, I’m not allowed to feel joy anymore, I’m most certainly not allowed to declare my love for another woman. So our love stays a secret. My love for you stays locked away in my heart & is only to be released on special occasions. But this is how I’ve always been, for years, as far back as I care to remember, so do not worry; don’t concern yourself with it. The mere fact that I can express my love for you is a great thing in itself.
This may not be the romantic lead that you were hoping for but I’m letting you in & telling you something deeply personal, so at least be grateful for that. I don’t talk to anyone like this anymore, because no one listens & no one cares.
Anyways,
This is why I should be there in person, so I couldn’t have the time to ramble & write like this. What I would say if I were there would be… You have no idea how fucking happy you have made me these past few months. I’ve smiled like I haven’t in ages, I’ve felt I haven’t since I was a child, I dreamt like I was a child again too. You brought youth & happiness into my life. And a future. Most importantly a future. I can see a future with you, a happy one. A big house, filled with kids and animals and love. I want that, with you. With no one else, that’s all I want. You.
So this ring is a promise, that one day we will have that. That one day I will marry you. One day we will have a house full of children, with a barn in the back for all of our animals, and we will be happy. We will be together forever. “